International Woman’s Day 2020

Late last night I realised that it was international woman’s day and I felt compelled to write. Coincidentally, the day before yesterday I came home from 3 days with a very dear friend to be with her, catch up and help where I could as she is 4 months post partum with her second baby boy. I adore her and miss her and I also saw myself in her.

We talked a lot, about the intensity of motherhood, that with the ending of the day shift, the night shift begins and how both are equal in importance. The breastfeeding.. the constant breastfeeding. The needs of the first child. The needs of your relationship. The household. Your own needs always ignored. The feeling (especially when you have very young children) that completing any task/meeting your needs or someone else’s means that another task / meeting yours or someone else’s needs is being ignored (guilt) or promised ASAP (stress). 

It is the personal growth, the perspective, the attempts to be patient and give grace, the giving of space for big feelings and responsibility for your own healing, realising your triggers so you do not pass on your own trauma/injuries to your own children. It’s raising our children to be respectful of people regardless of gender (however one relates to gender), sexual orientation or race. It is raising our sons and daughters to be true to themselves, to be KIND humans, to be self reliant but to also know how to give and receive help and to LOVE. To not feel shame in the emotions they feel but to teach them how to express their feelings safely, to respect and celebrate self-expression, woman and also raising our children to share responsibilities around the home. It is raising our sons and daughters to value themselves and their abilities. It is allowing our children to be authentic, that we should be brave enough to flip the bird to society’s “shoulds” and biases.

It’s juggling work with daycare/school pickups. Wrestling pressures, trying her best by everyone but at the same time feeling like she’s failing everyone. Reevaluating what matters. Trying to work out a way that provides the best financial contribution as well as time to be present as Mum for her children, wife to her husband, ensuring everything ticks along at home and trusting that one day it will become easier to make time for herself too. It is working together with her husband/partner to ensure their partnership demonstrates “partnership” in the true meaning of the word and models this to their children.

In Wellington I went to kindy pick ups with my dear friend and watched Mums: mums with twins and an older toddler, a mum who had just given birth and was on her way to do her food shop when she realised it was time to do kindy pick up, seeing and feeling her mélange of stress and relief as well as disappointment at not getting her shop done. There were also little old grandads collecting their grandkids and dads there too. But I was in awe of the mothers including my dear friend. Their beautiful strong bodies, their weary smiles, the way they lit up when they saw their children. What their bodies have achieved and what they continue to survive. They have gruelling nights but they still show up for the day.

Woman are amazing. And I know woman’s day is not just about woman who are mothers, but these are the women I relate to mostly right now at this point in my life.

Growing a human, birthing a human, nourishing a human, day time parenting, night time parenting, raising a human, healing herself. Working. Juggling everything. She is fucking amazing. 

Her partner is amazing too because the weight of the village that should be supporting her falls mostly on his shoulders. It is hard. Really hard and sometimes ugly. But it’s also beautiful.. and her strength means she survives. 

I for one am coming out the other side of the hardest 5 years of my life. But in other ways they have been the most rewarding..  I have been in survival mode and I felt so lost even though deep down I knew I would find myself again.. and I am, I really am.

So here is to all of the powerful women: Those supporting them, those raising them and those raising those who will support them ❤️