International Men’s Mental Health Week

This week is international men’s mental health week. A topic close to my heart, largely because I have a son and a husband whom I love more than words can explain, but also because I am female, I have a daughter and I care deeply about all human beings.

Statistics tell us that:

•70% of suicides are committed by men

•Over 80% of violent crimes are committed by men

•98.8% of sexual offenders are male

On the flip side:

•The number 1 cause of death for mothers is suicide

•Gender inequality in the work force continues to exist

•Sexism and the objectification of woman is alive and well

•Women fear for their safety and despite those who say “not all men”, those same people also have a generalised fear for the safety of their wives and children at the hands of men

•And in a society where both parents work, unequal labour division continues to occur in the home with regards to domestic tasks, mental load and parenting

With my whole heart, I believe that the path to changing these statistics for the better of ALL of us, lies in how we raise our sons:

• may they know that they are loved
• may they know that they are seen and heard
• may they learn to hold space for their feelings and be supported to learn how to express these in a safe way
• may they feel safe to be true to their authentic selves without pressure to conform to what it means to be “man enough”
• may they know it’s ok to be soft and kind and empathetic
• may they be guided to learn self management skills and guided to participate in the daily tasks of living
• may they be taught the power of the word “stop” and may they use it confidently and may they respect it

Let your sons and daughters know that they can be their authentic selves, play with what they enjoy playing with, dress how they enjoy dressing, be interested in what ever interests them and do whatever they are drawn to as a career, regardless of their gender. We are doing “better” here for females, but we have barely even begun to allow this freedom of expression for males.

May parents feel safe to nurture, protect and guide their children in the way their instincts call them to do so. Without fear. Without judgment. May co-regulation be embraced and self-regulation be celebrated when a child is in fact able to do so, and may we be patient on the journey to getting there.

I feel like we are in this stagnant place where women know their worth but are tired of trying to make themselves feel seen and heard and as a result they are often experienced by men as nagging, angry and hateful towards men. Or we have woman who are depressed and anxious and some who take their own lives because they don’t realise that they are not failing to do it all, but in fact are being failed because it was never possible to do it all.

And then we have men who also don’t know their worth, who are depressed and anxious and taking their own lives. Men who never learn to express anger and sadness in a safe way. Men who do not feel seen and heard who feel out of control and who go on to assert themselves by being abusive and killing men and women alike. 

Of course this is all sits on a spectrum and I have used extreme examples but there is simply no hiding from the stats. A quick google search and you can find them for yourselves. 

We need our men to love and respect themselves and to love and respect our woman. Children who feel seen and heard grow to love themselves and to love thy neighbour.

What the world needs is the end of fragile masculinity and a new respect for femininity.

This is not about men vs woman. The welfare of the human race and the welfare of the planet hinges on how we raise our children but I believe it hinges especially on how we raise our sons.

Imagine a world where men are resilient enough to safely express their true selves in a given moment and feel confident enough to listen to, empathise with and help others without feeling threatened. Imagine a world where men are hardy instead of hardened.

There is a shift happening. I see it in my circles of friends and in my own home. Our boys matter, so much more than they realise, but it is our duty as parents to make sure they do in fact realise and actualise their truest potential. Do this for your sons, and do it for your daughters too.

With love

Emma

Edit to add: I realise I write this from a place of privilege. I also realise I am well on my journey to “doing my own work”. But we can all become conscious of our unconscious biases, and beliefs about ourselves and others that no-longer serve us, and especially do not serve our children. We are all at different points of this journey. Be kind to yourself, refrain from judgment. Be  open to listening and open to change ✌🏼